Autumn Equinox 2010

Another Autumn,
Another Harvest Moon.

More Battle Scars,
More open wounds.
Again from the ashes I rose,
Is this really what I chose?

At the Crossroads again...

I contemplate and ponder,
Over there and yonder.
What I yearned for is forever lost,
Was searching for it worth the cost?

At the Crossroads again...

The fields now lay fallow,
Inner Child lays in a grave shallow.
Freedom from the past, the sacrifice,
Was it really worth the price?

At the Crossroads again...

Time for deep contemplation,
And planning future creation.
From better seeds I will sow,
A healthier harvest will grow.

At the Crossroads again...

Through a Passage of Rites,
On new wings I will take flight.
Blazing a new trail to choose,
Walking a new path as Muse.

At the Crossroads again...

Dedicated to my Tribemates,

Danger Bunnie

Dancing Between The Worlds

A little over a month ago, while on Hiatus, I finally started exploring Second Life. Maybe I couldn't do it when I really wanted to start tinkering because I knew that once I dove in, there would be no coming back. I am glad the "maddenings" are no longer a distraction in my life. In the short time I have been "In-world" I have gone farther, faster, than most n00bs do! 
In Second Life the learning curve is nose-bleed steep, and I love it!   I don't feel like I am mindlessly spinning my gears any more!

Just about any kink imaginable can happen there, even some of the more bizarre and taboo ones. I can even set myself up as a Professional Domina in Second Life! It hasn't been my main focus, but hey, I seem to be a natural, and already people have been starting to call for my skills, so why not run with it?  Even through the Aether, my senses are sharp. A Muse's work is never done, yes? In-world, I have already been confidant, confessor, counselor to many.  I am so tempted to start charging nominal fees for my guidance as a Virtual Shaman.  To me, it's much more than "just a game". I am meeting good people from around the world. I am "Chatelaine" of a group of friends who have banded together to help each other succeed and prosper in-world. One of my dear friends followed me in-world and is now my partner there. We have one shared submissive, and I now have two personal submissives!

I can be a Chamaeleon in-world, changing my appearance daily if I wish.  Shapes, skins, clothes, special affects, moves, you name it! With so many places to collect "freebies" there's no reason for a newbie to look like a n00b for long! I even learned how to alter my appearance with a built in appearance window and tools! Ok, so I have purchased a few extra special shineys that can't be acquired for free, but for the most part, I am having a blast sorting through what I have collected. Streamlining the inventory to easily find things is tedious but fun!  But there are some pretty kinky items that don't come for free, I am hoping to acquire them soon...Perhaps a loving client would be interested in "gifting" some toys and perhaps letting me use them as my "crash test dummy"!

Second Life reminds me of Burning Man in a lot of ways. Where else can you see "slug races" in a sand box, or ride a flying pig downtown New York City? A few weeks back, I was "shopping" in-world and crossed paths with Snoopy. People can have, do, be, just about anything! I love dancing, so when I discovered that I could dance in-world, I was all over it like a crack addict! I learned how to open up several dance moves and bounce between them, making my avatar shake it like a pro!  

Although Second Life is "just a game" to many people, it is so much more. Thriving business is happening, to the point it is making people financially solvent in "Real Life".  There is an actual economy, with fluctuating currency exchange rates. Yes, Second Life has felt the economic bite as well, but from what I have experienced thus far, it is picking up in-world, so perhaps it's an interesting indicator we may see improvements out-world soon, woohoo!  

So, my friends and loved ones, if you have been wondering how I am lately, short answer is, I am happy and thriving.  My In-world name is "Nera Viridis"  Come visit me in-world sometime, I will show you around. 


Happy Perving!

To Maxx Cat(an open letter to my son)~A Stream of Consciousness

To Maxx Cat~

Thank you for Being. You are the love of my life, the only person on the face of this planet who has earned the right to be inked into my flesh. My Little Mountain Lion, I knew your totem two months before your were born, when I felt that great spirit slowly saunter across the spine of the mountains, that afternoon me and your dad went for iced coffee because it was too darn hot to do anything else. I was impressed and blown away. Figures, you were born a Leo.

Speaking of coffee, my precocious little squit, I will always remember the fits you would pitch until I finally caved in and allowed your first sip from my cup. I laughed my ass off, you were only a year and a half, half the age I was when Grandpa gave me my first sip. Funny discovery, it calmed you down in the same ways it did me! I miss our morning walks and coffee rituals.

There were times I questioned my abilities to be a good mom for you, there were times I just wanted to drop-kick you into the next galaxy, but somehow. you knew, even in those darkest moments, just when to let me know everything was going to be fine. I will always remember the hug you gave me when we were riding the carousel on the Santa Cruz Boardwalk.

I remember you looking up at me and saying "Mom, I am not Brendan, I am Maxx Cat", after I spent a good five minutes trying to get your attention.

I remember you coming into the room early Christmas morning announcing "Mom, I am not a baby any more", after your dad and I spent all night trying to figure out a good "rite of passage" for that transition in your life. We had the best day ever with a little help of mycelial goodness!

I remember struggling with you to heed my call if you were running too fast too far ahead of me, then watching you stop dead in your tracks after I called out "Boundary" in desperation. It worked like a charm!

You have watched me struggle, flounder, fall flat on my face so many times it hurts to remember. You have always been there with the right thing to say at the right time. How did you get to be so introspective and smart? Oh wait, you had me and your dad as your parents. =;+)

Can you believe? This year you turn 13, and I turn 40. Both of us are facing major milestones in our life. The Playdipity of it all is priceless! What did I do right in this lifetime to earn the honor of being our mother? I don't know. All I know is I am incredibly blessed and honored by the connection we have. Shine On!!!

Namaste, thank you for Being. <3<3<3

Danger Bunnie


Warm Spring Days are here! My spirit is bursting with Joy! Been catching up with my personal meditations and exercises, my body and mind are healing by leaps and bounds. I am even getting back into my own personal research projects. I put them on hold for the sake of helping others, but I have risen from the ashes renewed, and it's all about me now.

On Spring Equinox, I experienced the best kind of validation and closure ever. People I haven't seen in many months were genuinely happy to see me, even to the point of lining up to give me hugs. It was humbling and uplifting at the same time. There was a surreal moment, a chat with someone related to the insanity I just left. I received confirmation that everything I have been saying is true, and I confirmed that the insanity is getting worse. My heart and spirit feel like the burden of 300 tonnes have been removed, knowing that although I did my best to honor the promises and commitment I made, leaving before my mind and spirit were permanently shattered beyond repair was the right move. A precious piece is permanently gone now, but if that was the necessary sacrifice, then so be it. Growing pains may blow chunks, but I believe evolving is more fulfilling than attempting to recreate unhealthy situations from the past. Never again will I allow myself to be lured in by a "brilliant mind" without concrete proof there is a solid connection with heart, mind, and spirit. Any evidence of sociopathic tendencies, no matter how remote, is grounds for immediate dismissal from this point on.

I am getting reports of happenings on fronts I no longer have ties to, or even care about. Funny thing is, everything I predicted many months ago is starting to happen. All I have to say to those who choose to be involved whether directly or peripherally is: "I told you so."

To my friends who have seen me being torn down and worn out, thank you for your confidence and faith. Thank you for holding up the mirror and showing me the "Shiny" I had forgotten was there.
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